Nearly Orthodox
barometer...
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I may need a barometer, a personal barometer…a person barometer. I need someone who I can call and say, “geez, is THIS normal?” Mostly my “is this normal” question applies to this weird orthodoxy idea I have in me. The one that comes to me today is around having been in the actual “church” on saturday. I had missed the 101 class 2 weeks running because of scheduling conflicts. In that time…
Nearly Orthodox
confession...
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I’m not sure I know how to put this. It may be a bit rambling, I apologize in advance for that. I tend to write these things stream of conscious-like and often don’t take the time to review and revise a great deal before posting them. That’s not the confession. That’s the pre-amble to the ramble. I’ve been considering that the next thing I need in this journey is confession…I need this…
Nearly Orthodox
acedia...
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I’m struggling with motivation to be consistent in practice quite a bit now. It’s odd considering that we’re entering the season of Advent…a time to reflect, prepare the way, listen, wait in hope. Maybe it’s the waiting part that is kicking up my struggle. I find I am visited more and more with this old feeling of acedia. I truly wish the “noonday demon” would contain itself to appearing at noon. As…
Nearly Orthodox
Momentum
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Like every other new thing I attempt I find that I am prone to lose momentum after a few months. This is part of the reason I have tried to be vocal about my journey into orthodoxy. I want to be seen, asked, held accountable. What I want to avoid in this is pride, boasting. I don’t want to appear that I’m doing something to draw attention to myself. So it’s a…
Nearly Orthodox
gabriel...
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Nearly Orthodox
growing up catholic...
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When I left the Catholic church, as I said earlier, it was not because I was protesting it’s doctrine or because I felt misused by it. I did not leave under duress but more as a kind of meandering I guess I’d say. I wandered away from Catholicism and it was not hard to wander away. My family was “devout” in that we held to the basic rule of making sure our…
Nearly Orthodox
sacrifice...
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Choosing Orthodoxy is sacrifice for me. I’ve already seen and felt that. I think we tend to be taught in our current culture that we can and should have everything…that we can and should feel “good” in that process. For that reason when I explain to some friends this idea that to choose this tradition feels sacrificial to me they give me odd looks. I know that as I explain it to…
Nearly Orthodox
philokalia...
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I’ve been reading today about the Philokalia. The Philokalia is a gathering of spiritual writings which lend insights to the Bible. It is not “commentary” but more than that. I view commentary as it pertains to Scripture to be more a play by play on the Word whereas the Philokalia is not that mechanical. It’s not about understanding with our heads but with our heart. It is not a dissection of the…
Nearly Orthodox
poetry among friends...
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This is cross-posted at Mrs Metaphor today…just so’s you know. vespers the light surprised me I thought it would be dark murky and mysterious but the sky was open wide and airy the scent was as I had expected heady and sweet I closed my eyes the priest walked down the aisles with soft footsteps garments rustling censer clinking and I took it all into me If only I could photograph…
Nearly Orthodox
push and pull...
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It won’t always be like this; me spinning out again and again with the struggle and the intoxication, will it? I feel like I’m split in two most days. In the early part of the day I wake up and spend time in prayer. I’m excited to be there, to spend time in this way. In the middle of the day I seek out time to be alone and pray. I find…
Nearly Orthodox
water...
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I have the strongest urge to break away from my noisy life this week and just sit in the church. I’ve asked Fr. G and he has said that if someone is at the church I can get in there. I think it’s because I want some practice, some quiet. It’s the toe in the water instead of just jumping in. I’ve never liked just jumping in fast. Everyone says it’s the…
Nearly Orthodox
the holy kiss...
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I’ve written about The Holy Kiss on Mrs Metaphor in the past. I’m reminded of this concept again today as I consider the idea of the veneration of icons. This practice is one that we did not employ in the Catholic church and so the “awkward” factor kicks up a bit more around this issue. I don’t have a problem with the idea of venerating an icon, I really don’t. It might…
Nearly Orthodox
night...
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What is it about the night that it’s able to bring such moments of doubt and sadness? I’ve always loved the night, loved the quiet it offered. Lately, though, the night has been an enemy; I’m tired but unable to sleep. The nighttime becomes an opportunity for my confusion to come to the surface. Forget the noonday demon, acedia strikes at night for me. I label acedia as “why bother.” I’m not…
Fr. Andrew Stephen Damick
The Worship of Fire
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While I was in Toronto a few weeks ago for an educational event, I had the delight to spend many hours with a good friend from my seminary days. He turned out to be a fine guide to introducing an American to Toronto. One of the many places we stopped was a place of some religious curiosity that he’d apparently always wanted to look…
Nearly Orthodox
healthy...
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I’m not organized. I’m not tidy. It’s very very hard for me to find time, make time, be timely about things that ought to be done. Laundry and dishes are easy in the quotidian realm. If I don’t do the laundry we have nothing to wear, if I don’t do the dishes we have nothing to hold our food. The repercussions of NOT doing these daily tasks are fairly immediate. Someone will…
Fr. Andrew Stephen Damick
Voice from Antioch: An Ignatian Catechism
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Nearly Orthodox
live...
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Fr G. spoke about the “nous” last week. I know this word already. He spoke of “nous” as being the “eye of the soul.” This is the metaphor I’ve heard employed in the past. Everyone who has given that description has explained that it is incredibly lacking. What the “nous” represents to us is so much more which is why the loss of it’s meaning in our lives is so great. We’ve…
Nearly Orthodox
vespers...
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I attended Vespers at the Greek Orthodox church last night for the first time. I felt as I expected…awkward, confused, grateful, tired, did I mention awkward? I wanted it to be darker in there. It was so light. I wanted to hide, very badly. It was interesting because just as I began to realize no one was watching me, judging my feeble attempts to understand hand motions and timing and listening, just…
Nearly Orthodox
long distance running...
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I’m not a runner. I mean, I try but I’m just not really built for it. I’m more the flexibility and strength training kind of body. Running is something I do because it has merit for me and because I’m able to do it most places I go. I can take that practice with me wherever I go. It becomes a kind of prayer in that way. A friend mentioned a…
Nearly Orthodox
thirsting for God...
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I’ve begun a book suggested by a twitter friend called “Thirsting for God in a Land of Shallow Wells” by Matthew Gallatin. Ok so here’s the thing. I’m only in the first section of the book, written as memoir he has an interesting story. At this point he’s been through the denominational wringer so to speak. This is a man in search of “truth.” It’s funny, I have never sought “truth.” I…
Fr. Andrew Stephen Damick
The Golden Mountain
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Nearly Orthodox
hot buttons...
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I’m making my list. I’m checking it twice…three times…maybe four. As I’m reading about the tradition I am thinking over and over about the reasons I have turned away from the “church” in this country. The odd thing is that I’m not REMINDED of this when I’m reading it. It’s not as if I’m reading the doctrine and think, “oh hey THAT is why I shun organized religion…” Not at all. I’m…
Nearly Orthodox
matins...
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It turns out that the church I’m courting does have a matins service during the week…so, there’s that. I’ve been looking for a way to do a kind of location scout and maybe this is the way to do it. I’m told that there are not many seats in the typical orthodox sanctuary…most people stand during the service. This thought lends me some angst. I wish I could just be invisible until…
Nearly Orthodox
hurry...
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I’m always in a hurry. I hate to wait. That whole patience thing is a train I can hear whistling in the distance but can never seem to catch. I watch it going by on a trestle far above my head and think, “well, that’s really majestic and beautiful….and unreachable. I wonder where it’s going.” This is how I feel about Orthodoxy today. I just can’t seem to get to a service.…
Nearly Orthodox
people...
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I’m an introvert. Most people who know me will say I hide that well and I guess I do. I’m an extroverted introvert. I can be outgoing-ish and I can handle myself in a group of people but I’m completely worn out for meeting people. I don’t mind being IN FRONT of a large group, I’m a performer. Being IN a large group is hard for me. I’m afraid of a number…
Nearly Orthodox
first steps...
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I’ve attended my first Orthodoxy 101 class. I know that I already know most of this. I am at once encouraged and discouraged. I look around the small table of people sitting and listening. The priest, Father G is very kind. He’s young, passionate about the faith. He keeps stopping in his instruction, asking for questions. We all stare blankly. There is a sweet young couple sitting next to me, they identify…
Nearly Orthodox
long time coming...
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I’ve been considering a return to ancient traditon for a long time now. I was raised Roman Catholic, left that faith when I was in college and then while I kept my belief and love of God and the person of Jesus I just never found a home. I have a family now. They are, I recognize, a brood of little prophets. I have a husband who is strong in theologian leanings…
