{"id":2394,"date":"2013-12-31T11:41:41","date_gmt":"2013-12-31T16:41:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/?p=2394"},"modified":"2013-12-31T11:41:41","modified_gmt":"2013-12-31T16:41:41","slug":"coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/","title":{"rendered":"Coffeedoxy and Heterodoxy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-2396\" src=\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/9\/2013\/12\/coffeehouse.jpg?w=700\" alt=\"coffeehouse\" width=\"700\" height=\"671\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/9\/2013\/12\/coffeehouse.jpg 820w, https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/9\/2013\/12\/coffeehouse-300x287.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Your local coffeehouse may be a hotbed of heresy. Check the following list and see how yours measures up.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Decaf is <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Docetism\">Docetic<\/a> because it only appears to be coffee.<\/li>\n<li>Instant is <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Apollinarianism\">Apollinarian<\/a> because it&#8217;s had its soul removed and replaced.<\/li>\n<li>Frappuccinos are essentially a form of <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Monophysitism\">Monophysitism<\/a>, having their coffee nature swallowed up in milkshake.<\/li>\n<li>Chicory is <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Arianism\">Arian<\/a>, not truly coffee at all but a separate creation.<\/li>\n<li>Irish coffee is <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Nestorianism\">Nestorian<\/a>, being two natures conjoined solely by good will.<\/li>\n<li>Nitro coffee (coffee + Red Bull) is <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Montanism\">Montanist<\/a>, having a form of godliness but denying its power.<\/li>\n<li>Affogato is <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Adoptionism\">Adoptionist<\/a>, being merely topped with espresso.<\/li>\n<li>The Caf\u00e9 Bomb\u00f3n is <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sabellianism\">Sabellian<\/a>, appearing at some points to be foam, at others coffee and at others sweetened condensed milk.<\/li>\n<li>The Caff\u00e8 Americano is a form of <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Unitarian_Universalism\">Unitarian Universalism<\/a>, being so watered down so as not even to qualify as coffee.<\/li>\n<li>The Caf\u00e9 miel violates <a href=\"http:\/\/www.newadvent.org\/fathers\/3814.htm\">Canon 57 of the Council in Trullo<\/a>, &#8220;for it is not right to offer honey and milk&#8221; in one&#8217;s coffee.<\/li>\n<li>The Cafe Mocha (espresso + steamed milk + chocolate) is syncretic and polytheist, for it presumes to adulterate coffee with another nation&#8217;s gods.<\/li>\n<li>The Doppio (espresso + espresso) is <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Monothelitism\">Monothelite<\/a>, permitting only one will to dominate.<\/li>\n<li>WHAT IS AN EGGNOG LATTE I DON&#8217;T EVEN.<\/li>\n<li>Half-Caf is another form of <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Adoptionism\">Adoptionism<\/a>, being a hybrid of disparate natures.<\/li>\n<li>The Pharis\u00e4er (drip coffee + 2 shots rum + whipped cream) is nothing but sheer <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Antinomianism\">Antinomianism<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>The Red Eye (drip coffee + 1 shot espresso) is <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Ebionites\">Ebionite<\/a>, for it would swallow up pure faith in the Law.<\/li>\n<li>A rigorist exclusivism for Fair Trade Coffee is a form of <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Donatism\">Donatism<\/a>, insisting that only sinless hands may produce a true beverage.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Coffee is bad for you&#8221;: The watchwords of the <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Iconoclasm\">Iconoclast<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>The fellow who just keeps adding sugar to his over-roasted Pike&#8217;s Peak[*] is surely a <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Pelagianism\">Pelagian<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Here endeth the caffeination. <i>Ite, caffe est.<\/i><\/p>\n<p><small>[*] Yes, we know the Starbuck&#8217;s brand is &#8220;Pike Place,&#8221; but we chose the common malapropism to illustrate the futility of heresy.<\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Your local coffeehouse may be a hotbed of heresy. Check the following list and see how yours measures up. Decaf is Docetic because it only appears to be coffee. Instant is Apollinarian because it&#8217;s had its soul removed and replaced. Frappuccinos are essentially a form of Monophysitism, having their coffee nature swallowed up in milkshake. Chicory is Arian, not truly coffee at\u2026 <a class=\"moretag\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/\">  <i class=\"fa fa-arrow-circle-right\"><\/i> <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":2396,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[181],"class_list":["post-2394","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-meta","tag-humor"],"yoast_head":"<title>Coffeedoxy and Heterodoxy &#8211; Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Coffeedoxy and Heterodoxy &#8211; Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Your local coffeehouse may be a hotbed of heresy. Check the following list and see how yours measures up. Decaf is Docetic because it only appears to be coffee. Instant is Apollinarian because it&#8217;s had its soul removed and replaced. Frappuccinos are essentially a form of Monophysitism, having their coffee nature swallowed up in milkshake. Chicory is Arian, not truly coffee at\u2026\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/OrthodoxyHeterodoxy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/andrewstephendamick\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-12-31T16:41:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/9\/2013\/12\/coffeehouse.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"820\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"787\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Fr. Andrew Stephen Damick\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Fr. Andrew Stephen Damick\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/\",\"name\":\"Coffeedoxy and Heterodoxy &#8211; Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/9\/2013\/12\/coffeehouse.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2013-12-31T16:41:41+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-12-31T16:41:41+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/#\/schema\/person\/18eab8a45916faa6327a92fd04c88675\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/9\/2013\/12\/coffeehouse.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/9\/2013\/12\/coffeehouse.jpg\",\"width\":820,\"height\":787},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/2013\/12\/31\/coffeedoxy-and-heterodoxy\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Coffeedoxy and Heterodoxy\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/\",\"name\":\"Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy\",\"description\":\"Doctrine Matters\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/orthodoxyandheterodoxy\/#\/schema\/person\/18eab8a45916faa6327a92fd04c88675\",\"name\":\"Fr. 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