fasting…

I’m fasting this week. I’m probably not supposed to tell you that. I think I’m supposed to suffer in silence when I do things like this. I’m fairly sure the withholding of that information has something to do with gaining humility but fasting makes me cranky and so I’m telling you about it. It’s a blood sugar issue on a physical level and a deprivation issue on the spiritual side. Why the…

circle…

I am slowly expanding my circle of Orthodox friends. It’s a slow process and especially difficult for me. I’m so conditioned to move away from people, sit in a corner and watch from a distance. I’m challenged in this now though, I feel I have some imaginary deadline to meet. I feel that I don’t have the luxury of time. Perhaps it’s not a bad thing to move out of my normal,…

chotki…

My sister in law saw my prayer rope on my wrist the day before yesterday. I had just put it back on moments earlier. I had lost track of it in all the cooking and dish washing and for a moment I thought I had tossed it out by accident.  I found it deep in my pocket when I was alone in my room. I sighed audibly in relief and then I…

restoration and repair….

Orthodoxy is taking me apart it seems. I feel as though all the pieces of me are being removed, examined, cleaned up and ready for restoration and repair. That is my hope, at any rate. Right now, I only feel as though I’m being taken apart. I can feel each piece when it’s removed. This empty space holds air and time. The framework of me keeps the empty space, ready to be…

barometer…

I may need a barometer, a personal barometer…a person barometer. I need someone who I can call and say, “geez, is THIS normal?” Mostly my “is this normal” question applies to this weird orthodoxy idea I have in me. The one that comes to me today is around having been in the actual “church” on saturday. I had missed the 101 class 2 weeks running because of scheduling conflicts. In that time…

confession…

I’m not sure I know how to put this.  It may be a bit rambling, I apologize in advance for that.  I tend to write these things stream of conscious-like and often don’t take the time to review and revise a great deal before posting them. That’s not the confession. That’s the pre-amble to the ramble. I’ve been considering that the next thing I need in this journey is confession…I need this…

acedia…

I’m struggling with motivation to be consistent in practice quite a bit now.  It’s odd considering that we’re entering the season of Advent…a time to reflect, prepare the way, listen, wait in hope.  Maybe it’s the waiting part that is kicking up my struggle.  I find I am visited more and more with this old feeling of acedia. I truly wish the “noonday demon” would contain itself to appearing at noon.  As…