sophia…

Naming means a great deal to me. I remember that the best part of having dolls as a girl was that I got to name them. Every time I took up an instrument I named it. There is some power, some deep meaning that is conveyed in naming. When I think about my name I’m moved to a number of memories and emotion. I hated that when I told people my name…

awkward…

I attended Divine Liturgy this morning, finally. I was comforted that Vespers has prepared me for some of the ritual, the language, the feel and the rhythm. I was thankful to find the parallels I’d been expecting from my Catholic roots. The reading of the Word, the prayers of the Faithful, the blessing of the Mysteries, the “Take and eat…” It was nice to feel some connection already there, not everything was…

stations of the cross…

Growing up Catholic we would attend church every wednesday.  During Lent we would go to church on Wednesday mornings but instead of our regular service we would start with Ash Wednesday to kick off the season. Then, each Wednesday after that until Easter we would have the Stations of the Cross, the way of Sorrows. It was a telling of the Passion, visual and visceral. I felt it, deeply in me.  I…

beginning clean…

The absence of Ash Wednesday offers some grief for me. I like those ashes, damn it. I liked the feeling of having them placed on my forehead, I liked wearing them out into the world. I like this. I suppose what I liked most was the reminder of being ash. The deeper thought and feeling there being the very transient nature of the body, the eternal nature of the spirit, the real…

Great Lent…

I’m meant to attend a service tomorrow, the last day before the start of Great Lent. I’ve been emailing with a new friend, someone who strikes me as kindred in some very good and holy ways…artist, mother, wife, outspoken and funny… And I wake up today with a raging headcold. There are no accidents, you know. This was well planned by my body, extremely well planned. I’m not saying that I don’t…

tongues…

I’m back on the Jesus Prayer most of the day. Constantly…moving my lips along with the words, silent on my breath…when I’m driving, when I’m typing, when I’m trying hardest not to lose my temper or lapse into future living instead of the now…present tense… The Jesus Prayer is always present tense. Today, sitting alone while the kids were all out playing I clung to my quiet house, my warm coffee cup,…

pause…

I ran into a wall this weekend and now I don’t want to pray. I was speaking to someone recently about my journey. She was interested in it as well and I think she had hoped I would be able to enlighten her on some of the finer points…which is crazy…because I know so little. I’m a terrible spokesperson for Orthodoxy. The most I can say is that I feel more stirred…