follow…

When my husband and I got married I was not attending church, at all, really. I didn’t feel a loss in this at the time. I still very much considered myself a Christian mainly because I still fully believed the Creed. I had an understanding with God, liked Him a whole lot, we talked every day, many times in fact. I believed in the reality of the Wonderful Counselor. I believed Jesus…

family: life giver

I’ve been avoiding His gaze. I treat Him as though He is just another picture on the wall. He is just above the Theotokos on my altar at home which makes it hard to avoid Him and yet I manage it somehow. The Theotokos of Vladimir gives great comfort, sweet mother. Sometimes when I walk by I focus in on her and even remove her from the altar for us to have…

categories…

It may be alright with me that I’ll always struggle. I may be the kind of person who needs to struggle. I look at my “category” list here on this blog and I realize the choices I’ve made there are deliberate, things that describe me and that frankly, I want to describe me. doctrine family fasting growing up catholic mystic practice struggle I want doctrine or at least I want a little…

sophia…

Naming means a great deal to me. I remember that the best part of having dolls as a girl was that I got to name them. Every time I took up an instrument I named it. There is some power, some deep meaning that is conveyed in naming. When I think about my name I’m moved to a number of memories and emotion. I hated that when I told people my name…

awkward…

I attended Divine Liturgy this morning, finally. I was comforted that Vespers has prepared me for some of the ritual, the language, the feel and the rhythm. I was thankful to find the parallels I’d been expecting from my Catholic roots. The reading of the Word, the prayers of the Faithful, the blessing of the Mysteries, the “Take and eat…” It was nice to feel some connection already there, not everything was…

stations of the cross…

Growing up Catholic we would attend church every wednesday.  During Lent we would go to church on Wednesday mornings but instead of our regular service we would start with Ash Wednesday to kick off the season. Then, each Wednesday after that until Easter we would have the Stations of the Cross, the way of Sorrows. It was a telling of the Passion, visual and visceral. I felt it, deeply in me.  I…

beginning clean…

The absence of Ash Wednesday offers some grief for me. I like those ashes, damn it. I liked the feeling of having them placed on my forehead, I liked wearing them out into the world. I like this. I suppose what I liked most was the reminder of being ash. The deeper thought and feeling there being the very transient nature of the body, the eternal nature of the spirit, the real…