belonging…

I belong to a gym but I don’t go very often. I like working out, it’s odd, once I’m there I’m very glad to be there. I like being there and in fact, I don’t mind being alone there. If I make the space for it then it’s an enriching and life giving time of quiet and focus. I can do whatever I want once I’m there. It feeds me. I can…

of caves and cliffs…

I’m not at Liturgy today…and I’m also not at the Presbyterian church. This is what might be the 10th week in a row I’m absent any kind of church experience on a Sunday morning. Some of it is that we’re back and forth to the retreat house on Sunday mornings, getting it ready for new renters to check in after the previous renters have been there on the weekend. Some it is…

sacrifice:pain

It’s possible I’m unwilling to give up my pain, just so you know. It’s entirely possible I really dig my pain and the showing of it. I’m not a screamer, with my pain. I’m a brooder, a pseudo-martyr. I’m not proud of this, I promise you. I don’t like it and I confess it’s possible I’m unwilling to give it up. And yet, this is what dangles before me. Like the kid…

for now…

The conversation was something like this: me: “I want to go to church…someplace….on Easter.” him: “okay. where?” me: “doesn’t matter….this year.” him: “this year?” me: “next year it matters to me.” him: “will you be Orthodox then?” me: “yes.” him: “alright.” This is the hardest part of the journey so far, harder than the struggles in prayer and fasting, harder than figuring out how to parent my children during liturgy (which I…

word and letter…

Being a vegan may actually cure my vegetarianism. I’m not a strict vegetarian, mind you. I don’t keep to it because of lofty reasons or even purely health reasons. I usually avoid meat because frankly, I feel like crap after I eat beef and pork.  So it’s been, I don’t know, like 5 years since I ate beef or pork. I generally do eat fish a few times a month and I’ll…

annunciation…

Today being the Feast of the Annunciation I attended Divine Liturgy. I ducked out early. Don’t tell my priest. It had little to do with the Liturgy and more to do with the fact that sneaking away while my 13 year old babysits on a “(home)school” day always gives me pause. As I drove away though I did feel some real loss. I wondered if I will ever get used to the…

spiritual mother…

So I need a sponsor. I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks now, ever since I stumbled upon my original baptismal certificate while I was looking for a credit card I’d misplaced before my move. Isn’t that always the way, the metaphor…stumbling upon something while looking for something else? Or maybe it’s just me…stumbling through things, everything reminding me of something else, eventually it all gets done somehow. At any…