In prayer this morning, as I lit the candles before the icons of the Theotokos and that of Theodora of Alexandria I remembered those in Aurora, CO who were injured or killed. I remembered the families and friends of those victims. I remembered those people who sat in that theater and watched this happen, those who were trapped, those who were able to run to safety. I remembered the shooter, the family of the shooter and the people in the entire community of Aurora, CO.
I felt guilty then shifting into my own personal struggles around moving and buying a house and paying for my daughter’s tuition. I apologized to God, a bit, sort of throwing that prayer in at the end, as if God’s mercy has some limitations, as if God only had time for the “big” troubles of the world.
As I watched the flames dance on the candles I thought, “well, this is where faith lives, isn’t it?” This is the moment when the rubber meets the road. Do I believe He is who He says He is? Do I believe He is maker of all things visible and invisible? And do I believe He actually has some care about all of this, no matter how seemingly small? It is a kind of crazy idea, truth be told. In a world that reaches for certainty the way of Orthodoxy is about embracing that which we cannot see, trusting in some great and strange idea that we are created with purpose, with care and that we are not alone in this uncertain world.
When everything is struggle then faith finds it’s bloom.