dress code…

It would be easier to just go back to being Catholic. That’s a known quantity. Why not just go back to being Catholic?

It’s tempting. I won’t lie. I’m pretty sure all I’d have to do is catch up on my Easter Duty…go to confession, go to Mass. By Easter I’d be Catholic again. I already know all the words, the doctrine, the stand-sit-kneel combos.

Why not just go back to being Catholic?

It’s not exactly like moving home to live with my parents til I get back on my feet again…but it feels like that. And yet I am struggling.

All. The. Time.

And then I chide myself with phrases like, “maybe this is your work then” or “why WON’T you submit?” to which I answer myself with a resplendent round of expletives.
I actually dropped the “f” bomb repeatedly in the car today as I thought about the most recent stumbling block in the road.

Wearing a dress to church.

Really? I’m cussing about being asked to wear a dress?

Yes. Yes I am.

I’d dismiss this church out of hand, having not ever attended it simply based on the idea that it was articulated to me, most precisely, that women are to wear dresses, never pants. And to this all I can muster, “well, WHY?” It makes no sense to me outside of some dated understanding of what it means to be “feminine.” I say screw that. No way. You can ask me to dress respectfully, to wear something “nice” or even “Sunday’s best” but no, you cannot specify that I wear a dress. When I questioned the priest about whether anyone would be offended if I wore dress slacks he said that it would not be offensive because we dress for God, not for other people. But being part of a community in which this is the prescribed style of dress means that if I join in this Body, sooner or later THIS body will have to wear a skirt.


Deal breaker?
I don’t want to go into a church with an argument. I want to go in with a willingness to be a part of the big picture and the little picture, with a desire to love and respect people just where they are at. I hate the reaction that rose up in me around this and yes, of course, I know it is my work…I don’t want to be confined but I do want to be embraced so I’m looking for an effing skirt…

I’m wearing my Dr Marten boots with it, though.


  1. OK, so I chuckled at the Dr Marten boots! I have a pair myself, however they are not comfortable enough for me to stand in for 3 hours. Sounds like you visited a Russian Church.

    When I was driving through New York and promptly got a ticket for talking on my cell phone…..while at a total stand still in traffic I might add…..the officer told me “You need to know the laws of every state that you drive through before traveling.” I thought….right! like I am going to read the manual of 5 or 6 states before driving to Boston and back!

    There is a spirit, and there is a law, and there is a way to get along and continue to plunge deeper into the mystical beauty of the Church. I applaud you in your journey. Time wears down the flare-ups that arise as we move deeper. It will improve. I leave you with one of my favorite quotes….tell me if you know where it comes from. “I wear my adornments upon my soul.”

    God bless you.

    1. I’m adding yet another name for you to the impressive list you already sport- Sophia.

      Still, I’m asking your friend Paul if his church on the south side will make me wear a skirt before I commit to visit!

  2. You could be like some people I have seen (was it in Haight-Ashbury?…can’t remember) wear the pants then get a nice big scarf and tie it around your waist as an accessory. And tuck a few flowers in your head scarf.

    1. I like this idea a whole lot…

      I’ll be sure to pass that on to Paul when I finally make it down there! I’ll be in Nashville in a couple of weeks but may have a training on Sunday morning for DoxaSoma 🙁 Would love to try to get into the city to have coffee if you’re around!

      1. Well, there is always Saturday night…..and the dress code appears to more relaxed for Saturdays. I am leaving October 31st and returning November 5th mid day……going to the desert…..

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