It would be easier to just go back to being Catholic. That’s a known quantity. Why not just go back to being Catholic?
It’s tempting. I won’t lie. I’m pretty sure all I’d have to do is catch up on my Easter Duty…go to confession, go to Mass. By Easter I’d be Catholic again. I already know all the words, the doctrine, the stand-sit-kneel combos.
Why not just go back to being Catholic?
It’s not exactly like moving home to live with my parents til I get back on my feet again…but it feels like that. And yet I am struggling.
All. The. Time.
And then I chide myself with phrases like, “maybe this is your work then” or “why WON’T you submit?” to which I answer myself with a resplendent round of expletives.
I actually dropped the “f” bomb repeatedly in the car today as I thought about the most recent stumbling block in the road.
Wearing a dress to church.
Really? I’m cussing about being asked to wear a dress?
Yes. Yes I am.
I’d dismiss this church out of hand, having not ever attended it simply based on the idea that it was articulated to me, most precisely, that women are to wear dresses, never pants. And to this all I can muster, “well, WHY?” It makes no sense to me outside of some dated understanding of what it means to be “feminine.” I say screw that. No way. You can ask me to dress respectfully, to wear something “nice” or even “Sunday’s best” but no, you cannot specify that I wear a dress. When I questioned the priest about whether anyone would be offended if I wore dress slacks he said that it would not be offensive because we dress for God, not for other people. But being part of a community in which this is the prescribed style of dress means that if I join in this Body, sooner or later THIS body will have to wear a skirt.
I don’t want to go into a church with an argument. I want to go in with a willingness to be a part of the big picture and the little picture, with a desire to love and respect people just where they are at. I hate the reaction that rose up in me around this and yes, of course, I know it is my work…I don’t want to be confined but I do want to be embraced so I’m looking for an effing skirt…
I’m wearing my Dr Marten boots with it, though.