barometer…

I may need a barometer, a personal barometer…a person barometer. I need someone who I can call and say, “geez, is THIS normal?”

Mostly my “is this normal” question applies to this weird orthodoxy idea I have in me. The one that comes to me today is around having been in the actual “church” on saturday. I had missed the 101 class 2 weeks running because of scheduling conflicts. In that time I had neglected prayer and focus and reading as well. I didn’t stop cold turkey, it’s always kind of “in there” now in me. I don’t think I can wander far from the start of this new practice.

On the other hand, as strange as it seems, I think it’d be rather easy to run like hell from the start of this new practice.

I think about it in the story of the prodigal son…I remember the thought that in his worst moment the son remembers what life was life with his father and brother. I just think that I could run like hell and it would be easy in the running but that once I stopped running I’d know how much I’d left behind.

Being in the church again on Saturday I was struck at once by the scented air, the vibrant icons, the strangeness and the familiarity of it all. It was comforting to be there. I felt I was back home again.

So this is where I’d call or email my barometer and say, “geez, is this normal?”

I just need to hear from someone who knows… that this IS the struggle, that it IS hard, that it IS worthwhile…

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