I’m not organized. I’m not tidy. It’s very very hard for me to find time, make time, be timely about things that ought to be done.
Laundry and dishes are easy in the quotidian realm. If I don’t do the laundry we have nothing to wear, if I don’t do the dishes we have nothing to hold our food. The repercussions of NOT doing these daily tasks are fairly immediate. Someone will notice if I fail to notice.
I’m worried about the amount of “practice” that the Orthodox tradition brings with it. I’m worried I’ll fail and I’m more worried that no one will notice. If I fail to pray who will know apart from God and me? If I fail to keep the fast who will notice apart from God and me?
From the edges it appears that I have a great deal to learn, to digest, to practice. I keep saying I want the practice but do I really? Can I add more things into my day, my week, my life like this?
See, here’s the thing…all the things I need to add in are for me, to take care of my spiritual health. I already disregard my physical health enough and my emotional health gets the short end of the stick as well too often. What makes me believe that I’ll show up for my spiritual health?
I know there will never be a pill to restore long lasting physical health and no tonic in the world will bring me long lasting emotional well being. In this way I understand that the journey to being in right relationship with the One who made me is no easy path. How on earth could I ever have that expectation?
I take little comfort in knowing it’s a hard road but I am hopeful, even as I sound discouraged. Faith is miraculous like that.