Why How You Feel Is Not All That Valuable

We live in a culture of strong feelings. How we “feel” about something is generally taken to mean “what I believe.” This is not at all the case. Most people have a set of feelings or sentiments that largely serve the purpose of supporting the story they tell themselves about who they are. “I am a person who cares about animals.” It does not actually pierce through to the level of describing character. It would be more accurate to say, “I am the kind of person who is defined by a set of feelings.” For the feelings themselves, our sentiments, quite often do not rise to the level of action, nor constitute a way of living. The actual character of a person would be best observed by watching them for a few weeks and studying their actions (not listening to their words). How we feel and how we live are frequently not the same thing at all.

Sentiment is a function of the passions, and rather shallow passions, at that. It is a disposition towards pleasure. A sentiment that says, “I think human suffering is terrible,” is generally a sentiment that will avoid confronting the nature of suffering and its true depths. If you’re decently middle-class, you can afford to avoid encounters with many forms of suffering. You can filter your friends-list in a manner to see and hear what you find pleasant and agreeable.

In a culture driven by consumption, sentiment is a disposition nurtured and manipulated by those who seek to sell us things. They do not sell sentiment. Rather, they use sentiment to sell products. Sentiment is far more malleable than deeply held beliefs, or a true way of life. The “way of life” of most Americans is indistinguishable, regardless of their sentiments. You can visit all of the homes in a neighborhood and have no idea of the sentiments of its citizens, other than the stray bumper sticker or two, or perhaps a gun rack in a truck. But the actual life-ways of our citizens are a rather narrow range of behaviors.

Sentimentality is a secular practice in which secular people convince themselves that their lives matter.

Doing some research for this article, I ran across an interesting quote from Stanley Hauerwas:

“I had a colleague at the University of Notre Dame who taught Judaica. He was Jewish and always said that any religion that does not tell you what to do with your genitals and pots and pans cannot be interesting. That is exactly true. In the church we tell you what you can and cannot do with your genitals. They are not your own. They are not private. That means that you cannot commit adultery. If you do, you are no longer a member of “us.” Of course pots and pans are equally important…”

I would expand on this and say that the Church has much to say about our whole body (as well as pots and pans).

This quote points to an example that exposes the emptiness of sentimentality. Secularized Christians (as well as secularized Jews) have a distinct sense that their bodies are their own, and that their moral life is governed by how they themselves believe and feel and not by what a religious institution (for so they would call it) tells them.

Over the years of working with converts to Orthodoxy, I have occasionally found people who hesitated to become Orthodox “because it is so hard.” What that means, generally, is that Orthodox Christianity asks for things beyond the sentiments of secularism. The sentiments of secularism suggest to us that we are free to believe anything we like, so long as that belief can be practiced in private and makes few demands on others. Most of this is to say that your belief is fine, so long as it is nothing more than belief.

When I first ran across this sort of objection to Orthodoxy, I thought that people were looking at the full monastic regimen of fasting and such and that it seemed beyond their reach. My first reaction was to point out that the actual ascetical practice in the parish is less demanding, but that the books (and calendars) tend to describe the maximum. Over time, I’ve learned that this is not really the issue. The greater issue is that Orthodoxy (rightly taught) demands a non-secular way of life. It is intentionally inconvenient. I would say that it should even be publicly embarrassing from time to time.

Secularism has taught us to think as individualized agents. And so, when questions of right and wrong arise, secularity leaves us cut adrift in a sea of feelings. I frequently hear things such as, “It’s complicated,” generally meaning, “I have conflicted feelings about this matter.” Its natural for a human being to have conflicted feelings, for feelings are mostly the result of the disordered passions to which we are enthralled. We feel sorry for someone; but we are also a little afraid; we are drawn towards helping them; but we do not want to create a scene. We think babies are wonderful; but a young mother’s difficult circumstances demand compassion. On and on the passions rage. Each feeling is real, but in no way are sentiments the proper ground for making decisions, much less governing a society and doing justice. The reign of sentimentality is the reason behind the dominance of public shaming as an attempted moral practice.

The moral philosopher, Alasdair MacIntyre (Whose Justice, Which Rationality), famously described the contradictions within modern American thought. Examining a number of major Supreme Court decisions he noted numerous contradictory philosophical positions even within a single paragraph. We cannot think; we feel and our sentiments learn to make thinking noises. The result is a complicated confusion.

But, in truth, love is not complicated. Sometimes it is fierce or bitter, it understands sorrow and endures pain. Love does not waver in the face of sentiment. Sentiment is complicated because it is a mass of passions, not a single thing.

Aristotle was among the earliest philosophers to describe the ethical life. His approach was not to ask about the nature of right and wrong. Instead, his questions were about the character of a good person. The truly good person he deemed a “great soul.” A great-souled person acts rightly because of the rightness of his character. Thus, morality is a matter of virtue and its acquisition. In this, Aristotle and Orthodoxy agree.

A person who is governed by the passions (sentiments) will ultimately not be a reliable moral agent, for they do not have the virtue of a great soul. To nurture a soul in sentimentality is to destroy its character. A culture dominated by sentiment rather than virtue cannot rightly govern itself nor be trusted in its interactions with others. This is the culture we live in. It also explains why the choices presented to us are uniformly bad. In a land of sentiment, a land without virtue, there are only moral agents without character. Nothing good will come of them.

These observations are not light things, but they are generally certain. The Christian faith offers us clear guidance in the nature of right and wrong. More importantly, it offers the means of becoming the kind of person who can actually do the right thing. The acquisition of virtue is a primary goal of the Orthodox life – to become like Christ in all things. He is the true image of the great-soul.

Our faith has much to say about what we do with our bodies, and even, in a sense, what we do with our pots and pans. Those instructions are not rules given to crush us. They are tools given for the acquisition of virtue. Virtue asks the question of character. What kind of person does the right thing? Those who are governed by sentiment, driven by the passions nurtured in the bosom of a consumerist culture will never become people of virtue.

Feelings are interesting. They come and they go like the small pleasures of life. In the end, they don’t matter much unless they are allowed to matter much. Then they matter because they destroy us and make us into slaves.

God wants more for us.

 

About Fr. Stephen Freeman

Fr. Stephen is a priest of the Orthodox Church in America, Pastor Emeritus of St. Anne Orthodox Church in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. He is also author of Everywhere Present and the Glory to God podcast series.



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114 responses to “Why How You Feel Is Not All That Valuable”

  1. Christopher Avatar
    Christopher

    Alan, I can not now recall where I picked that quip up, but I think it may be Fr. Stephen’s. Also, I am of a mind that there are many Orthodox folks following JP because he speaks to (and uses relevant/current language, ideas, etc.) an aspect of our life and reality that Orthodoxy as practiced here in these western lands is not very good at speaking to. This comes back to Schemman’s insight into this large but too little recognized problem of how to BE Orthodox in this (to Orthodoxy and its collection of traditions, culture, answers to questions, etc.) “new” situation of secularism. It’s the same reason why Dreher is followed, or C.S. Lewis is still so *relevant* to our present reality and dilemmas. Like Father said upstream, they don’t teach to this in our seminary’s. Agree or disagree with any of these particular men’s frame of reference, diagnosis, and prescriptions, the fact is they are addressing a need that for most of us traditional Christians, is strongly felt if poorly understood…

  2. Paula AZ Avatar
    Paula AZ

    Christopher,
    I believe we are *being* Orthodox. I mean, it is that simple.
    I honestly do not know what it is you expect. I do not understand what it is you see so differently in the Orthodox people you observe. Like me. Besides being sentimental and all the other things…I am as Orthodox as the next person.
    I am sorry. I do not understand.

  3. Christopher Avatar
    Christopher

    Paula,

    There is an Orthodox priest named Michael Oleksa who has a handful of youtube videos, some of them quite short. He speaks to what a culture is and how it is relevant (and even “first”), in the context of communication and his specific circumstances – but in my opinion he might be a lever which you can use to get at this.

  4. Paula AZ Avatar
    Paula AZ

    Christopher,
    If it would help me understand your part of the conversation here, I will most gladly watch those videos.
    Sincere thanks.

  5. Dee of St Hermans Avatar
    Dee of St Hermans

    Paula,
    I’m not sure I can contribute much to this conversation between you and Christopher.

    But I will mention this: Fr Michael Oleksa has written a book that provides a history of Christian missionary work in Alaska, which is also helpful to anyone who might wonder why I might have had a big ‘axe’ to grind against non-Orthodox “Christian” ‘evangelical’ work and/or activism. He presents some of this history in this book. And it might help facilitate an understanding of my aversion to conversations among the Orthodox, when they turn to discussions of mission work or political ‘activism’. When such conversations mirror this form of non-Orthodox “Christian” rhetoric, I’m inclined to push back. The history provided in this book provides some explanation why I react this way. The legacy of that unfortunate ‘work’ in the name of “Christianity” and the impact it had in the Alaska Native communities and elsewhere in the US continues to haunt my soul and others I know.

    His book is: “Orthodox Alaska: A theology of mission. I recommend it.

  6. Paula AZ Avatar
    Paula AZ

    Dee…yes, I am very interested. Having been in an evangelical church for 12 years I would like to know what it is like to be a recipient of the “witnessing”, specifically from a Native American standpoint, that is, a culture within a culture. And since the book you recommend is written by the same Priest who Christopher referenced, I believe it will help me better understand (among other things) not only your (and the Native American/Alaskan) experience with this missionary work (vs the Orthodox approach), but also what Christopher is saying in his discussion here.
    Thank you.

  7. Alan Avatar
    Alan

    Christopher,

    Thanks for your comments to me, much appreciated. As I said to Dee earlier, I am not a critic of JP (yes, I also said I’m not a fan). That simply means what it says. I’m neutral about him. But I do get your point about what O folks seem to follow him, CS Lewis and others. Good point. Thanks.

    Dee and Christopher, thanks for the mention on Fr Michael O. I’ll definitely check out his work.

  8. Byron Avatar
    Byron

    Dee, I have had that book on my shelf for some time (the history of Orthodox Alaska rather fascinates me; the first book on Orthodoxy I read was on a parish there) and began reading it tonight. So far, it is a bit dry but full of good information.

  9. Dee of St Hermans Avatar
    Dee of St Hermans

    Byron,
    It’s been awhile since I read it. When I first started my catechism I was experiencing a lot of emotional stuff regarding even being in a church. I loved the Liturgy but I felt isolated and uncomfortable–again this is not a reflection of the people in the parish —I had a lot of conflict for which I’m grateful to have had a parish priest who had God’s grace and suggested I read it.

  10. Byron Avatar
    Byron

    Well, I’m only a chapter in, Dee! I don’t think it would be fair of me to judge the book. I was only making an observation on how the information is presented. It is very interesting though…. 🙂

  11. Dennis Smith Avatar
    Dennis Smith

    Father, I’m jumping in off topic. Have been reading posts and listening to podcasts. Have only recently started to learn about the Orthodox Church. My concern is “emptying myself” so that God can fill the void that I avoid with distractions, habits, passions– Communion with God by letting my false self die. My personality ( your discussion about the personality as surface and communion with God is on a deeper level-soul- if I understood correctly–and that the personality is not the major concern but something more real) is described as OCPD meaning I am rule bound, very controlling, etc. Not to be confused with the more common behavior problem of OCD–this is a personality style. It has been defined as trying to find “a safe passage through life”. Usually associated with having gone thru major trauma when a child. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder is also described as never being “off”–always on guard. Now to my question. I take a small dosage of Zoloft and Ultram (botched hip repair). When I get off them for a time, I find my self feeling lost, unattached, empty. After reading some of your related posts, I think maybe I should endure the feelings so as to “empty myself” but I give into the pain and restart the meds. Reading about your description of life on a psychological level, I can look at it as one would any medication. Any guidance will be appreciated. Thanks, Dennis

  12. Fr. Stephen Freeman Avatar

    Dennis,
    Getting through the day can be hard enough when you’re living with something like OCPD. If the medication is helpful – then take it, by all means. Things are hard enough without making them harder. Self-emptying is often best practiced by giving thanks to God and by working at serving others. When I serve someone else – I am emptying myself – without having to focus on my “self-emptying.”

  13. Dino Avatar
    Dino

    Father,
    Dennis’ comment reminded me of a fairly discerning counsel (that applies across the board). It is an advise that is close to what the main article describes: in a nutshell it is the classic thing: ‘to shift one’s noetic focus away from the self’. The key is that it can only be practically done in ‘concentric circles’: to begin with we only manage to “shift the focus away, not from ourselves and unto Christ, but, merely away from heeding ourselves trying (and often failing) to shift of the focus away”. Every individual has different capabilities of getting to the more “central circles”. Re-centering one’s being and noetic focus to Christ is ultimately the work of God.
    God – attracted by our efforts that drag us away-from-self-centredness (and our joyful rather than resentful bouncing back into efforts with every failure), even if we only manage to relax away from the self and into thanksgiving on the peripheries of our thoughts, finalises what no man can and gifts us what we couldn’t have achieved as pure gift in response.
    I first heard this in Simonpetra and found it most pragmatic and quite profound, but it is convoluted to communicate to others. Those who have struggled ascetically with thoughts, instantly get it, and even realise they knew it already (but such counsels are most valuable when formulated from one’s Spiritual Father).
    The key thing that I mean i.e.: “applied in concentric circles of “reverse self absorption or self-monitoring” is this: we try to pay our own thoughts-on-things and sentiments-on-things no heed, while only (mostly) managing to pay our own thoughts-on-afforementioned-thoughts and sentiments-on-afforementioned-sentiments no heed, [all this in a kind of manner that contains ease and trust and thanksgiving in the face of stress].

  14. Esmée La Fleur Avatar
    Esmée La Fleur

    Dino – I think this is why I find reading the services to be most helpful to me when I’m struggling with negative thoughts – which are, indeed, always self-centered. I must, of necessity, focus on the words and this, in turn, forces my attention away from myself and on onto Christ, His Mother, and the Saints.

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