Shame and Envy – Our Secret Sins

ShameHandsSeveral years back I stumbled on a book about the sin of envy. I was struck by what I read and realized that I had never heard a sermon on the topic (nor preached one). Though a number of the Fathers cite envy as the first and greatest sin, it never seemed to come up as a spiritual topic. I also realized that it was almost never mentioned in confession. A strange sin – perhaps the greatest and yet held in secret.

Over the course of the last year, a number of things have introduced me to the topic of shame. I have explored its role in my own life and become far more aware of its almost ubiquitous presence in our culture. It is recorded as the first human response to sin – they hid themselves. However, I again noted that I had rarely heard the subject discussed and did not find it to be a topic that arose in confession. A strange emotion – perhaps the oldest human emotion – universal – and almost never discussed.

There are some obvious reasons (and some not so obvious) for the hiddenness of shame and envy. Shame, as an emotion, was overlooked (or reinterpreted) for a long time within the community of psychotherapy. How Freud and others handled its expression is outside the scope of this piece – but it did not make their list of primary concerns. More recent work in psychology has brought greater attention to the topic – with a resulting growth in published material and therapeutic techniques geared towards understanding and treating toxic shame.

Envy’s neglect is less explainable. Pride seems to have pushed it aside. A number of Fathers list pride as the dominant and “original” sin (unlike those who list envy). Our modern culture, for whatever reason, has focused more on pride as an inner issue. The promethean image of Milton’s Lucifer, who would “rather rule in hell than serve in heaven,” has been seen as the quintessential image of pride. Modern man’s push for ever greater mastery over himself and his world are seen by some as rooted in pride and a Luciferian rebellion. However, I think envy is the far more prevalent sin – and far more destructive of both individuals and those envied by them. The New Testament cites envy as the motive behind Christ’s crucifixion (Matt. 27:18).

Shame, by its very nature, tends to be secret. Shame is defined as the sense that there is something wrong with me (rather than that I have done something wrong). Guilt is the term used to describe feelings that what we have done is wrong – whereas shame is far deeper. Mere embarrassment does not rise to the level of shame. For some, there is an almost ever-present sense of shame, a feeling of unworthiness and abandonment that gives rise to a range of destructive behaviors. It is generally understood that shame is a feeling that human beings cannot endure. It is either resolved or quickly changed into more bearable forms (depression and anger – sometimes rage being the most common). Displacing shame by blaming others is another survival strategy.

The feeling of shame provokes a desire to hide. A small child will cover their face with their hands (or otherwise hide their face) or quickly adopt a mask of disinterest or anger to keep shame at bay. Some simply cry. As a male authority figure (with a dark, strange cassock and a long beard), I am used to small children sometimes responding with a “shamed” expression. A parent suddenly presents a small child to me, who is overwhelmed (and thus shamed). Rather than smiling and responding warmly, they burst into tears (sometimes rather inconsolably). It’s disconcerting for all concerned!

I have thought a great deal about the dynamic of hiddenness and revelation that characterizes much of Orthodox liturgical piety. The hiddenness of a mystery, protects us and allows us to cautiously bring our shame into a more open position. Forms of liturgy (and non-liturgy) that boldly announce God and democratize the worship experience never get beyond shallow expressions. Their construction exists to avoid what must stay hidden (or it reveals them inappropriately and asks for them to be revealed in ways that are dangerous and destructive). The drama of the liturgy is both a theological reality and a spiritual balm. The Tradition has a wisdom about the deepest aspects of our humanity and treats them rightly and with respect.

The secrecy of confession is a tool that accompanies the liturgical life. It is a place where the shame that we normally avoid can be dared – and often healed with exposure to the light. But the light is soft enough (when wielded by a good confessor – or one with enough sense to say nothing) not to injure us.

Over the past year, as I noted earlier, I’ve seen how far-reaching the power of shame can be in people’s lives. It is a frequent source of anger; it drives perfectionism; it creates anxiety and panic; it encourages blame and falsely accuses the self; it is the origin of rage. Because it is secret, and generally unbearable, it is often forgotten, hidden within painful memories. The healing of such a thing is a slow work, requiring safety and love. Ideally, the Church should be such a community but very rarely is. Sometimes the local parish is a place where shame is created and nurtured – a spiritually toxic dumping ground.

Interestingly, it is noted in the literature that even discussing shame can cause shame (so I apologize). Shame can go “viral.” There are those awful moments from time to time – a child’s recital when a piano passage is forgotten – the child feels shame and frustration and everyone in attendance shares the shame. Our faces flush, we look everywhere but at the child.

These are profound and deep parts of our lives – again very seldom discussed or recognized. A sizable portion of our behavior and emotions come out of these difficult places. Knowing this should give us pause in our conversations. Am I speaking from the heart or simply displacing shame into some other form? I am convinced that the larger part of our arguments (including religious arguments) are ultimately driven by displaced shame.

Envy (not to forget the topic) is also disguised in our lives. Envy is more than a desire for what someone else has (that would be mere covetousness). Envy wants the other to suffer loss and simply be deprived. In the so-called “politics of envy,” decisions are made to tax the wealthy (for example) regardless of the actual benefit to the state. The recent increase in taxation of the wealthy in France (to 75%), did nothing to address that nation’s financial crisis. It simply attacked a convenient target.

The Scriptures often describe envy as the “evil eye” (ophthalmos poneros). It has a a destructive capacity almost beyond calculation. The passions of various modern revolutions have often been grounded in envy. Unable to achieve a reasonable and prosperous society, revolutions turn with envy towards destruction. The end is mere destruction – not fairness – not equality – just destruction.

Modern cultures have almost no means for addressing shame. A school full of children are murdered (an act of envy) and we rightly feel shame – national shame. But the discussion quickly movements to anger, depression and argument. The shame remains unaddressed and unhealed – a toxic source of our continuing modern malaise.

But these are “secret” sins. The spiritual life will make little progress and growth so long as such secret sins remain unnamed and unhealed. The journey from the shame of Adam and Eve and the envy of the devil into the truth and the light of Christ is the true path of salvation. It is the road less traveled.

A Christian ending to our lives, without shame or fear before the dread judgment seat of Christ, may the good Lord grant to us.

 

About Fr. Stephen Freeman

Fr. Stephen is a priest of the Orthodox Church in America, Pastor Emeritus of St. Anne Orthodox Church in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. He is also author of Everywhere Present and the Glory to God podcast series.



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112 responses to “Shame and Envy – Our Secret Sins”

  1. sergieyes Avatar
    sergieyes

    PJ, the issue that exercises Orthodox, especially the Old Calendar, is a simple question: Is there a strong education in defense against Nihilism in those precincts?
    NIHILISM by Eugene Rose
    An analysis of nihilism, its various stages, theology, and program of destruction
    http://www.columbia.edu/cu/augustine/arch/nihilism.html ;
    http://www.amazon.com/Nihilism-The-Root-Revolution-Modern/dp/1887904069.

  2. […] Shame and Envy – Our Secret Sins | Glory to God for All Things. […]

  3. Rhonda Avatar

    I know that many revere & respect Fr. Seraphim Rose, even wanting him to be canonized as a saint. I myself own a couple of his writings. He was a good translator & we now have several works available in English thanks to him.

    However, he can be un-Orthodox in some of his thoughts; so use care. Keep in your thoughts the doctrine of the Orthodox Faith. It also helps to keep in mind the counter-culture environment he grew up in within the US West coast. I tend to stay away from his theological writings myself. Others have done better in that aspect.

    Just my 2 cents…

  4. Lee Ann Avatar
    Lee Ann

    Re: Rhonda’s post: If you are going to name someone as being unreliable, -un-Orthodox (!) say what specifically is wrong with his thinking. This post is gossipy and counter-productive.

  5. Rhonda Avatar

    Lee Ann:

    I was hesistant to comment earlier about Fr. Rose for fear of upsetting someone…I should have listened to my gut instincts 🙁

    I was not gossipy nor did I declare him “unreliable”, I said merely that at times he can be un-Orthodox in some of his thoughts & writings, so be careful. This is very different from stating that he is un-Orthodox. He was an Orthodox priest/monk & if he were still living I would have no qualms about rendering him due respect nor receiving Communion by his hand. Some would (& have) said the same about my favorite Orthodox author Fr. Alexander Schmemann.

    I have said nothing about Fr. Rose that the Orthodox do not claim about most Orthodox writers, even the Church Fathers; none of them writes infallibly at all times & all of them in one way or another err. I could go into some of his theological errors, but I feel that would be counter-productive at this point. Hopefully, Fr. Stephen will answer your question.

    I apologize for any offense.

  6. Karen Avatar
    Karen

    Lee Ann, just for the record, Rhonda is saying nothing different than the pastoral counsel Fr. Stephen has given us regarding Fr. Seraphim Rose as well in comments on this blog. I would hardly call his counsel gossipy. He did give some particulars saying words to the effect that he would regard Fr. Seraphim as a good monk, but not as a particularly good Orthodox theologian. One example is Fr. Seraphim’s interpretation of the Creation accounts in Genesis.

    Rhonda, your latter point about no Orthodox Father being infallible is well taken. I didn’t take your comment as a critique of Fr. Seraphim’s life, but rather of some of his writings–which effort of discernment it seems to me is required of every Orthodox Christian.

  7. Sophia Avatar
    Sophia

    Fr. Stephen, may I ask what book you were reading on envy? I would love to read more about it from a theological perspective, and haven’t read much.

    May I also ask, have you come across a book called Cinderella and Her Sisters–The Envied and the Envying, by Ann and Barry Ulanov? The first half is a psychoanalytic exploration of envy, and the second half a theological. It is the only book I’ve ever read on the topic, but it was life-changing in coming to understand the impact of this sin.

    I read once in St. Athanasius, On the Incarnation (I can’t remember where) that God has envy for nothing. (And he quoted Wis of Solomon in saying ‘by envy of the devil death entered the world’). That was a life-changing moment for me, to realize that God does not envy anyone or anything its existence, and perhaps envy–as others said in this commentary–might be the original sin. I’ve also wondered why no one talks about it more….thank you for highlighting that!

    I hadn’t realized how rife with envy the world (and I) can be. I didn’t even know what it was, it’s mechanism, until I began to see the possibility of its absence. There’s more to it, I feel, but as you’ve noted elsewhere, some mysteries are too hard to put in words on a discussion. Thank you again for all your teaching.

  8. fatherstephen Avatar
    fatherstephen

    Sophia,
    I am clueless about the spam filter program. It sometimes just decides that perfectly fine comments, without a hyperlink (all comments with hyperlinks are moderated), is spam. And I have to go rescue it. I check the “filter” everytime I go to the blog, but sometimes it gets delayed.

    The book on envy is called Death by Envy: The Evil Eye and Envy in the Christian Tradition. Some Orthodox books that I like represent an acquired taste. Some of the stuff on the evil eye will be off-putting for many non-ethnic Orthodox (and many ethnic as well). But this book is a small treasure and writes very well on the topic. It could use some improvement by editing, but don’t be put off by it.

    His thoughts on envy and the concept of a “limited good,” is among the most profound thoughts I’ve read anywhere.

    Thought on envy, which is among the most prevalent and dangerous of sins is surprisingly unaddressed in most modern stuff. It is well worth the exploring.

  9. Sophia Avatar
    Sophia

    Thank you, Father. I’ve ordered it. 🙂 It’s interesting about the evil eye. I know nothing about it, but it seems noteworthy that envy shows up in all kinds of cultural myths and fairy tales and superstitions. It’s striking that our modern theology should leave it so unaddressed.

    The notion of a ‘limited good’ resonates deeply.

    I look forward to reading the book–thank you!

  10. John - Romania Avatar

    Hello,

    I’m very sorry to bother you all… But I really need some help with these two sins, shame and envy or pride… I can’t really understand. Are there more types of pride? Is there such thing as a “good” pride, which makes us be competitive and do our best…? Is it competition that God wants from us? Can loving our neighbour and competing against him be simultaneously possible? I can’t get my head around this. It seems to me that our whole world is driven by pride, envy, which in turn lead to shame, when we do not manage to rise up to others’ expectations. It seems to me that if I lose all pride, I stand on the brink of destruction in this world… If I were alone, maybe it would be easy to lose everything I have, but I also have a family…

    Can anybody direct me to some more thoughts on these subjects…? It’s troubling me…

    Thank you very, very much!
    God bless you all!

  11. David Clark Avatar
    David Clark

    Fr. Freeman,
    In para 7, what do you mean by “democratize” worship?

  12. Fr. Stephen Freeman Avatar

    David,
    I generally meant to describe non-hierarchical, non-liturgical worship, or liturgical worship that makes no distinction between the people and the priesthood (more or less). The ad populum position of the altars, that swept through in the 1960’s reforms, are a democratization, and an intentional removal of mystery (hiddenness) within the liturgy. I think of all of this on a continuum. The ultimate democratization of worship would be one where you are all alone. You might find this article of interest on that topic: The Sin of Democracy

    I should add that I’m not saying that democratic forms of government are sinful. But that the notions behind democracy are mistaken in spiritual terms and distort Christianity when they are imported.

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